Set the deal and the boundaries before it happens!
It’s usually too late to establish expectations around board and living conditions once your Yadult gets their first pay packet or returns home. The old saying is true – ‘Possession is 9/10ths of the law’. Once their bum is on the couch, their head is in the fridge and their car is in your space – it’s too late!
Sure, you can put a deal in place once they have earned the money or moved back home – but it usually ends up creating conflict and a tense atmosphere. YOU end up being considered the villain – the unreasonable one.
Lets’ face it, the reason your Yadult is living at home or returning home is because they think or know that your place will be cheaper (and in their heads a lot cheaper) than living in a flat.
Three Questions to Consider
1. Do you expect that you should no longer be financially out of pocket or are you happy to be ‘The Benevolent Society’ (and there may be a time for that)?
2. If this is one of those times to give assistance, how much financial and non-financial help, are willing to give? How long will you provide this help?
3. Is it important to prepare your yadult to be able to cope financially, physically and emotionally for the ‘real world’? If so, be careful how you answer question # 2.
Three Easy Steps to Creating a Harmonious Atmosphere
1. Be Fair
Decide what you think is a fair or win / win deal for all parties. Consider who else may be affected by your Yadult returning home (or not moving out). Mothers often forget to consult fathers, partners and other members of the family living at home.
2. Be Clear
Beware of contra deals – where your Yadult does housework and yard maintenance in return for board. It’s hard to enforce and doesn’t give your Yadult a sense of urgency to generate cash to pay for his or her living expenses. Make sure that board is paid by automatic payment and not in cash, which is way too open to negotiation.
3. Put it in Writing
Put the arrangement in writing with both parties signing it. To do this – you can download a template called Living Optimally Contract from Parentingyadults.com
Good luck – remember when preparing your Yadult for the real world, start with the end in mind: Love intentionally (not just emotionally), Lead purposefully and Let Go graciously!