Being attractive is about so much more than appearance even though it is important to look after your hygiene and health.

But one of the most effective ways to attract others is to ‘go into their world before asking them to come into yours.’ This means putting another person’s thoughts and feelings before your own.

You see, people are naturally preoccupied with themselves. We don’t really like learning about other people, and yet we want them to know what we are all about. But this is a ‘small’ way of thinking and it limits us in building relationships.

A wonderful historical example is that of the very different but consecutively elected British Prime Ministers, William Gladstone and Benjamin Disraeli. When a well-known woman offered her impressions of dining with them, she stated, “When I left Mr Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But after sitting next to Mr Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest woman in England.’

The lesson here is that Disraeli had the ability to build people up, whereas Gladstone left them feeling intimidated. We cover this step-by-step in the book, but for now, here’s a simple and effective tip: Smile when you meet people, use their names often in conversation, and really look and listen when they are talking to you.

Learn more of these important people-skills in Smart Way #30 of Making it On My Own; 52 Smart Ways to Smash It in the Real World.