Unfortunately, most people automatically think about what they will get out of a relationship, rather than what they will give to the other person.

The best advice I was ever given counteracted this natural human behaviour of taking and instead says; ‘Be the kind of person you want to attract into your life.’

It’s a principle of respect for others. It works the same with money, health, people and opportunities, and it starts with respect for yourself. When we believe we have something positive to contribute, ‘goodness’ shines off us, and it attracts that quality in others.

If we do not respect ourselves, we’ll drive good people away and attract destructive or co-dependent relationships. In this situation we become the ‘enabler’ – the person that enables another’s bad behaviour. Issues like control, filling another’s needs (while forgetting one’s own) will no doubt occur.

Two halves don’t make a whole. Think about it! How can two half-empty people create a whole or healthy relationship? To have a wholesome relationship, we each need a whole self to bring in to it.

I like to reframe all of the above and ask: W.I.M.F.U? This means ‘What’s in me for you?’ Read more about how to achieve this empowering state of mind in Smart Way #29 of Making it On My Own; 52 Smart Ways to Smash It in the Real World.