Smart Way #38: Grow your relationship slowly as in a crockpot – don’t microwave it!

You might be surprised to learn that when I left New Zealand for Australia at age 17, within 10 days of arriving I thought I had met the love of my life and I moved in with him. Years later, I realised this was not love but needing to be loved mixed with convenience.

For a while, playing house was fun. This guy had great meals, sex on tap and no responsibility. He’d surf almost every day, often pretending he was at work. I was so in love with the idea of being in love that I hadn’t taken the time to really get to know his character. I was also too naïve to know what was ‘normal.’

What I quickly learnt from that phase of my life can be summed up with these amusing quotes: sex without commitment is like tomato sauce without a pie, or, sex is a great topping but not a very good glue.

If we had slowed down and gotten to know each other first, the relationship would have taken a different direction. Sex overwhelms the emotional side of your relationship, often bringing it to a standstill because rather than talking things through, people turn to sex to fix things. Of course, it doesn’t.

Confused about what commitment really was, we got engaged. Three months later it was all over!

Learn more about the wisdom of slowing your relationship down in Smart Way #38 of Making It on My Own; 52 Smart Ways to Smash It in the Real World.